Posted by Paula on Dec 7th, 2012 Comments
I think you have the wrong idea about this "tour" thing. You are thinking of a band, like Journey. I go on the road two or three nights a week, usually. On most Thursday and Friday mornings I smush my high fashion wear and little jokes into a big wheelie suitcase, and grab about fifty pounds of carry on bags containing office supplies, and a spare pair of underwear, and head to the airport around 4:00 AM. I do not have a tour bus, or if I do, I keep missing it.
Right now I am in Akron, Ohio. Last night, the radio show I am lucky enough to be on, WAIT, WAIT DON'T TELL ME, taped in front of a crowd of 5,000. I was picked up at the Cleveland Airport by a limousine, which almost never happens, because it is really not necessary, and wastes gas. I usually take the hotel shuttle van.
Today's driver told me that, when he drove Journey, they stopped at the house where A CHRISTMAS STORY was filmed, which is a Cleveland area tourist attraction. He said they filled the limo with leg lamps.
I declined to visit the A CHRISTMAS STORY house. Therefor, and I'm sure you've guessed this, I have no leg lamps. I came directly to the Holiday Inn to make business calls, email my kid's teacher, watch the news, read, write, and unwrinkle my suit and tie. I'm not sure if The Holiday Inn has any plans to turn this room into a museum, as a result of my stay, but if they do, I think Journey will swing by on their next limo/bus tour and surely not be satisfied until their conveyance is packed full of authentic Paula Poundstone ties.
Before I go to the theater, I like to shower, because I want to give the crowd the deluxe. I slap on some red lipstick, and glance at some notes. I like to have one or two things in my head that I am looking forward to telling the crowd. I generally go on with my hair soaking wet, because I don't know how to blow dry, and I don't want to waste the time anyway.
I love to do my job. I love to talk to the crowd. I relish the high that comes from laughing with a group of people. Just before I go on, I sometimes have a feeling that I have nothing to say. I grab a soda, and have a bit of water, and walk out on stage anyways, because I promised I would, and about two hours later I find it hard to leave.