I Have This Poster To Offer Someone

I have this canvas poster of, well, me. It feels a bit awkward
saying so. I worked at the Lyric Theater, and they had it made. It’s
one of those banners that they hang in the downtown area to tell of
upcoming cultural events. Anyways, the Lyric Theater kindly sent it to
me. I don’t know what it was about me that made them think I would
hang a banner of myself in my home. Apparently I kind of give off that
vibe. I have a giant, framed, George Hurrell photograph of Katherine
Hepburn hanging in my room, and once, when my sister was visiting, she
thought it was a picture of me. I was flattered by the physical
comparison, but a bit stung by the perception that I would hang a big
picture of myself in my bedroom.
Mostly on my walls I have my children’s art work. I also have a
lot of lists. It doesn’t help. I can’t remember a damned thing. I
still think Leonardo DaVinci’s parents must have had almost no space
on the front of their refrigerator “Isn’t that wonderful, Leonardo,
another picture of a naked man in a circle. We’ll put that up right
here by the handle.”
Frankly, I couldn’t sleep if there was a big picture of me on my
wall. I get a bit obsessed with my jowls. I vaguely suspect that both
Paul McCartney and a bloodhound are hidden somewhere in the branches
of my family tree. I’m a badge and a swearing in away from being
Deputy Dawg.
So, with gratitude to the Lyric Theater, I’d like to offer this
canvas poster of, uhm…me, to the first person to con six of their
friends into following me. I’m sorry, but I had to make it a contest
just to stop myself from secretly writing in to get it.

Paula Poundstone

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