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Yours Truly, Lady Luck

I entertained at a benefit for our middle school on Saturday
night. It was “Las Vegas Night,” and it was held at the fancy Lexus
dealership. I sold two cars. Fortunately for Santa Monica we have some
go-getter moms who put the night together. I guess you can rent “Las
Vegas Night.” This company brought the felt tables, with cup holders,
the dealers, the chips, the playing cards, and some cards that list
the supremacy of poker hands (for people like me). The dealers gave
instruction in Texas Hold ‘Em before running a tournament in it. I was
out fairly early, by the way, and that was with the assistance of the
card to explain the poker hand. This company even provides show girls,
with the traditional headdress, like the one Lucy lost her balance
under in I LOVE LUCY. We had only one show girl at our school’s “Las
Vegas Night,” but we’re about to lose our school librarians and arts
programs because of budget cuts. I assume, if you’ve got the cash,
they’ll rent as many show girls as you want. We had two pole dancers
at our night. You can’t have just one of those. They get lonely.
They’re like llamas. The company even provided stand alone poles. I’m
not kidding.
I didn’t notice if the pole dancers were good or not, because I
was busy losing at Texas Hold “Em. On the other hand, I don’t have
anyway of knowing whether a pole dancer is good or not. I’ve never
seen pole dancing before. I guess, if they don’t bump their heads,
that’s good.
I’ll tell you, I had a great time at “Las Vegas Night” in Santa
Monica. Lots of parents and teachers came out to have fun, and support
our school. There is something a bit strange about talking to your
kid’s teacher a few feet away from a rented pole dancer and stand
alone pole, but over time, I could get used to it. Las Vegas middle
school parents and teachers have probably been doing it for years.
I think it was a lot better than “Cleveland Night” would have
been, although, given our budgetary problems, that’s probably on the
horizon for next year.
The most surprising part was that I had a fantastic time
performing. I had agreed to tell my little jokes there, but, even
though the company provides a stage, I couldn’t imagine that it would
be the right setting. Keep in mind, we were in a Lexus dealership. I’m
part owner of GM, you know, we all are, but Lexus? Still, to my
dismay, I stepped up on the portable stage, before a crowd of
teachers, parents, community members, and two rented pole dancers on
break, and off we went. Somehow I caught a wave. For just a moment, i
was Elvis.
When I picked my son up after school on Monday he told me that
one of his teachers told him that I was very funny. He said, “Mom, she
asked if you were ‘humorous at home.’” I kind of chuckled and said, “I
don’t imagine that’s how you think of me, huh?” Before my son could
even respond, from the backseat, my daughter Toshia blurted out,
“No.,” from the back seat. Elvis has left the building.

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