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Tomorrow Can’t Come Fast Enough

My son just said that he thought it would be cool if there were
two of me, which is one of the sweetest thing he ever said, but I have
a feeling that if there were two of me, we’d fight. There would just
be something about me that would piss me off. For one thing, I don’t
think I’d like my attitude.
It has been a long hard day, one of those you’d like to just go
over with a big pink eraser. Of course, if I did go over it with a big
pink eraser, it’d leave eraser shavings on the floor, and when I went
to vacuum them up I’d find my daughter’s report card in the vacuum
cleaner, and when I’d ask her shy she never showed it to me she’d say
she did show it to me, even though she didn’t. She’d say,
“Well, you’re seeing it now.”
It has been one of those days where I’d hide under my bed, if I
had a bed. That’s why I don’t have a bed. It wouldn’t do any good
anyway. My daughter would find me and lie to me anyway. It’d be the
first place she’d lie.
Shirley Partridge’s kids didn’t lie to her. Well, maybe in one or
two episodes, but they made up for it by having a lucrative music
career. My kids lie to me about practicing their instruments. Here I
am spending money on vests and a bus, and they won’t even practice.
There are days I just don’t want to be lied to anymore. If I
wanted to be lied to this much I’d marry a Senator, or a Governor, or
I’d win an Academy Award.
Do you know why the part of the health care bill that makes it
illegal for insurance companies to deny health care to people with
pre-existing conditions doesn’t kick in for a couple of years? Because
insurance companies need time to think of another way to screw us.
These things don’t happen over night.

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